


Inexcusable

by boundtoanandroid



Series: Cecil's Thirst Knows No End [9]
Category: Hatoful Kareshi | Hatoful Boyfriend
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 20:38:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6581308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boundtoanandroid/pseuds/boundtoanandroid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a nasty fight, Cecil resorted to some unsavory things, and romantic feelings are thrown into play. Sakuya discovers what he's done only when it was too late, and realizes how fragile his friend's life really is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inexcusable

“Um, Dr. Iwamine? Can I talk to you about something?” Cecil hesitantly asked, glancing at the floor and picking at his fingers. 

“Hmm? What is it?” The doctor hummed, not looking up from his work. 

Cecil slid the infirmary doors shut and walked up to the seated doctor, continuing to pick at his nails and avoid the doctor’s curious gaze. 

“Well, I… uh… Do you know any ways to heal and cover up scars really fast?” He asked in a hushed tone on the off chance someone else was in the empty infirmary. 

“It all depends on how deep the wound is. It could take up to three weeks for it to fade. May I see the wound?” Dr. Iwamine set down his paperwork and met eyes with the trembling second year, causing a chill to run down his spine. 

Cecil gulped and wordlessly pulled the sleeve of his uniform jacket up to his elbow before unraveling the stained bandages wrapped tightly around his forearm. Dr. Iwamine’s eyes widened slightly upon seeing the numerous deep scars scattered along the inside of his arm. Some of the wounds reopened with the movement, causing blood to begin to drip down Cecil’s pale arm. The student shamefully, cast his gaze to the floor as the doctor gently grabbed hold of his forearm and began observing the severity of the injuries. 

“My my… These are recent, yes?” He whispered, eyeing up the bloodied scars. 

“Last night…” 

“Anything in particular spark this idea, if you don’t mind my asking?”

Cecil hesitated. Was it really worth it to spill everything to the creepy doctor? Well… He had been kind to him, albeit in his own, creepy way. It couldn’t hurt… 

“It’s just- School’s been stressing me out, I had a bad fight with one of my friends, I’m failing my math class, and I just feel so damn worthless.” He choked out, feeling tears begin to prick at his eyes. A light flush had formed on his cheeks, one that the doctor paid little mind to. 

Dr. Iwamine thought on this for a moment. “If you need help with school work, I’d recommend talking to Nanaki or Shirogane-”

“N-no thank you!” Cecil interrupted, immediately regretting it upon seeing the cold glare the doctor flashed him. “S-sorry, Doctor, it’s just…” 

“Is Shirogane the one you fought with?”

Cecil nodded. Dr. Iwamine sighed. 

“He made some comment about me being stupid because of my low grade, and I defended myself, and of course he took it the wrong way, and we ended up fighting.” 

“I do not wish to pry into the personal lives of my students, Mr. DiAngelo.”

“Right. Sorry, sir.” 

The doctor examined his arm for another moment before motioning at his other arm, knowing well there were scars there as well. Cecil reluctantly shed his uniform jacket, mindful not to get any blood on it, before unraveling the bandages on his other arm. Dr. Iwamine sighed as he saw an equal number of fresh scars lining the opposite forearm. 

“Take a seat on one of the beds; I’ll patch you up and send you off.”

“Yes, sir.” Cecil nodded and grabbed his things before taking a seat on the edge of one of the beds behind the doctor’s desk. He set his things down and rested his arms on his legs, angling them so as to not stain his uniform pants. He didn’t exactly have the funds to replace them, after all. 

Dr. Iwamine fetched a few medical supplies before rolling his desk chair in front of Cecil and taking a seat. Cecil held out his left forearm, watching silently as the doctor opened a small bottle of antibiotics and spread the clear substance over the wounds. He couldn’t help but hiss at the cool sensation. The doctor quirked a brow at his reaction, but did not pause his work. 

“Were you in a better financial position, I would recommend getting some of these stitched. Some are rather deep, and you narrowly missed vital arteries and veins. Let’s not do this again, yes?”

“Yes, sir.” He muttered. 

As the doctor began to tightly wrap fresh bandages around his forearm, careful not to wrap them so tight as to cut off circulation in the hand, there was silence between the two. Cecil took his opportunity to study the doctor’s narrow features. The subtle slope of his nose, which perked up at the tip, the glint of his glasses, the way his long, dark hair fell naturally around his face. His violet eyes darted around as he focused on his work, trying to fix up the injuries as fast as possible to get Cecil to leave. 

He finished up less than five minutes later, pushing his glasses up before grabbing the supplies and standing from his chair. Cecil let loose the breath he didn’t realize he was holding and examined the bandages around his forearms. 

“Don’t get those wet, now. Come see me again tomorrow after school and I’ll change those. And, do take better care of yourself, yes?” The doctor gave one of his dangerous smiles. “We wouldn’t want something to happen, now, would we? Ho ho ho…” 

“N-no sir! Thank you again.” Cecil yelped as he slid his uniform jacket back on and swiftly gathered his things, eager to escape the infirmary of doom. 

He barely heard the doctor hum in response as he scurried out of the infirmary, clutching at the straps of his backpack. Pulling his phone out, he checked the time. Three thirty. He’d been in there thirty minutes. That wasn’t so bad… 

“Oh, shit!” He muttered. “I was supposed to meet Sakuya in the council room today!”

Readjusting the straps of his backpack, Cecil sped down the halls towards the student council room, arriving there in a flash. As expected, Sakuya had taken his usual seat at the grand CEO desk he had had brought in to the school. He glanced up with a scowl, delicate features drawn in a distasteful manner. 

“You’re late; what’s the excuse this time, mongrel?” He demanded. 

“I thought we were done with the ‘mongrel’ thing…” Cecil panted, his face further falling. 

“Pfft. You’ll never stop being a mongrel til you reach my status. Now, answer my question; where were you?” He huffed. 

“I was in the infirmary; Dr. Iwamine needed me for something…” Cecil muttered, taking a seat at one of the tables scattered in the council room and pulling his laptop out from his bag. 

“That’s it? That’s what made you half an hour late?” Sakuya folded his arms. “Pathetic.” He spat. 

Cecil took in a deep breath, trying to keep his composure. He didn’t want to give Sakuya the satisfaction of seeing him cry, especially after that fight. Biting the inside of his lip, he opened his laptop and began typing away, continuing some short story he had started a while back. 

Sakuya stared at his classmate, trying to determine if he was telling the truth. Perhaps he had simply forgotten about Sakuya’s last minute call for a meeting and genuinely was at the infirmary. The young man did have an awful memory, after all. He silently huffed, not wishing to give it any more thought. 

An awkward silence hung over the duo, with the only sound being the clacking of Cecil’s keyboard. The silence was bugging both of them, but Cecil knew that if he said anything, he would begin to cry, and he wasn’t going to have that. Not today, at least. 

Not five minutes passed before Cecil shut his laptop and shoved it back in his bag, sighing as he did. 

“I’m sorry, Shirogane, I just- I don’t feel good and need to get home.” He muttered just barely loud enough that his classmate could hear. 

“What? Now wait just a minute, you-”

“We aren’t even doing anything! Can’t I go home this once?” Cecil snapped, voice cracking unintentionally. At the shift in voice, he began packing his things even faster, desperate to get out of the classroom. 

“Cecil, I said wait!” Sakuya said, reaching forward and grabbing Cecil by the forearm to stop him. 

He yelped out in pain, swiftly retracting his arm and glancing up at Sakuya with tears in his eyes. The two momentarily paused, Sakuya’s brows knit together in confusion. 

“Wha-?”

“I-I have to go!” Cecil said quickly, a few stray tears escaping as he swiftly turned on his heel and sped out of the school building. 

“Cecil!” The Frenchman cried, standing baffled at the doorway to the student council room. “What…?”

“Huh? What’s with all the shouting?” Ryouta inquired, poking his head around the corner. 

“Kawara! Do you know what’s wrong with Cecil?” Sakuya demanded as Ryouta approached him. 

“Cecil? Well, he’s been really upset the past few days, but other than that, he’s been doing fine. Why?” Ryouta quirked a brow in confusion. 

“He arrived thirty minutes late to our meeting then ran off, looking like he was about to cry.” 

“Well, he might still be upset about that fight you guys had. It’s been nagging at him ever since it happened.”

Sakuya pondered that for a moment. That would explain why he was so quiet, but his reaction when he grabbed his arm… That was not normal. Especially not for Cecil. He craved physical affection, getting it as often as he could from his other friends. But perhaps it  _ was _ because of the fight… 

“Do you know where he lives?” Sakuya demanded, crossing his arms. 

“Uh, yeah? I go over to his apartment all the time. Why?” Ryouta was really confused now. 

“I want to confront him about this. Put an end to this petty squabble.”

“Petty squabble?” Ryouta repeated, utterly baffled. “You called him a total idiot for a bad grade on one test, dude. You made a fool of him in front of the whole class…” 

“I-Well, I only did so because I know he can do better! He is smarter and better than that, so why did he get such a poor score?!”

“Dude, he’s just a regular guy. Besides, math is one of the subjects he struggles in. Plus with all his depression issues, he’s been having a really hard time keeping up as of late.” Ryouta muttered. 

“Hold on, what did you say?” Sakuya’s brows knit together in confusion.

“Uh, he’s been having a hard time keeping up?”

“No, before that.”

“Math’s a hard subject for him-?”

“No, after that!”

“That he’s been really depressed??”

“Yes! That part.” Sakuya nodded. “How long has this been an issue?”

“Uh, a couple years now. Ever since his friend almost died in middle school…” Ryouta awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. “Hey, this isn’t really something I should be talking about. It’s really personal to him. So, why did you really want his address?”

“I… Well, I would like to make sure my fellow classmate is alright.” 

“You’re worried about him.” Ryouta couldn’t help but chuckle. 

“What? What’s so funny?!” Sakuya demanding, huffing again. 

“You actually care about him, don’t you, Sakuya?”

“That is none of your business!” A flush dusted along Sakuya’s pale cheeks, and Ryouta could see the tips of his ears turning red. He chuckled again. 

“Here, I was gonna go stop by anyways. Why don’t you tag along with me?” Ryouta offered, turning towards the exit to the school. 

“Fine. But you will tell no one of this.”

 

\----------------------------------

 

“Hello? Mr. Nanaki?”

A sleepy voice responded through the receiver.  _ “Hmm? Cecil? How can I help you?” _

“Um, I’m not gonna be at school tomorrow, so can you email me the homework?”

_ “Sure thing. I’ll attach the notes we’ll be taking as well. Are you feeling alright?” _

“Uh, I caught some stomach flu, and I’m pretty sick. Might not come in next week, either…”

_ “Oh, alright. Feel better then. Goodnight…”  _ He could hear the drowsiness in his teacher’s voice as he sighed. 

“Night, sir.” He said before hanging up and tossing his phone onto the small couch. 

He sighed, glancing down at his bare arms. The doctor had said that giving them air when at home would speed up the healing process, so he currently donned a pair of short exercise shorts and a tank top Anghel had given him a while back. The pain of the scars was dull, only worsening when something would touch them. 

Cecil leaned back on the soft couch and thought back to when Sakuya had grabbed him. He hadn’t meant to hurt him; hell, he had no way of knowing the scars were there, and yet… It felt like salt in the wound after their fight earlier that week. A few stray tears pricked at his eyes as they slid shut. Sakuya had made him feel like such an idiot, and in front of their entire class! All he wanted was to be his friend, not his punching bag! Sometimes Cecil thought he would be better off liking Nageki, or Yuuya, or even Okosan. But no, he  _ had _ to get a crush on the snobby rich kid. 

He almost hated Sakuya at times. He was so damned stuck up most of the time, hardly taking anything Cecil said seriously and ignoring him unless he needed him for some meaningless task. And Cecil did it right away, every time. And hung around him, even though he felt ignored and unwanted. 

‘ _ Why?’ _ He thought to himself.  _ ‘Why did I have to fall in love with such an ass?’ _

Perhaps “fall in love” wasn’t the right term to use; after all, this was just another stupid crush. And likely the one that had the least chances of turning in his favor. All Sakuya would do if he found out was mock him and call him a dirty mongrel, ridicule him for his feelings. 

And yet, he couldn’t help but find himself attracted to Sakuya. Under his tough exterior was someone with real thoughts and feelings, ones that had been trampled on by his family. From what he had gathered in talking to Sakuya and Yuuya, Sakuya didn’t seem to have a very supporting family. He recalled the Frenchman denouncing music, and yet the next week, he had caught Sakuya playing a beautiful melody on the school’s piano. There was such an air of mystery around him, and Cecil couldn’t help but want to get to know him. And, you know, kiss him and stuff. 

Sakuya was in fact physically attractive. His sharp features and intelligent eyes drew Cecil in, as well as his lean form… Cecil had caught him in the dressing rooms one day after gym had finished, and  _ damn _ , that boy was in good shape. 

Thinking about Sakuya’s body caused Cecil’s thoughts to drift to his own. A look of disdain crossed his features as he thought about his body and how much he hated it, if not for the obviousness of him being transgender. He had never fully transitioned, choosing only to flatten his chest and go on hormone treatment long enough for him to pass as male. Money was a big issue for him, after all. The scars on his breasts were hideous to look at, and despite the dysphoric relief, he loathed the jagged half moon scars on his pectorals. 

It was in this moment that he didn’t regret what he had done to himself the previous night. He regretted that he didn’t bleed out and die, a lifeless corpse for poor Ryouta to find. At least it would make Dr. Iwamine smile. 

He was snapped from his thoughts as his phone began to ring, some J Rock song blaring from the small device. He jumped and glanced down at the caller ID. Ryouta. 

Sighing, he picked up the phone and held it to his ear. 

“Hello?” He said, not realizing how glum his voice sounded til the word ended. 

“Cecil? It’s Ryouta. Are you doing okay?” His friend sounded extremely concerned, a tone which didn’t suit his usually chipper voice. 

“Uh, yeah, I’m fine. Just not feeling too great ’s all.” 

“You sure? Sakuya seemed pretty worried about you…” 

Cecil couldn’t help but groan. “Can’t he just mind his own business and leave me alone?”

“What? What happened, Cec? Usually you’d be talking my ear off about whatever Sakuya had done that day.” 

He swore he could hear someone scoff from the receiver. “It’s nothing, Ryouta. Don’t worry about it.” 

“Little late for that, I’m afraid…”

Cecil sighed. “Was there anything else you needed?”

“Uh, yeah. Are you home?” 

“Yeah…?” 

No less than two seconds later, he heard an abrupt knocking on his door, followed by a muffled “Open up, mongrel!”. He swiftly hung up and grabbed a hoodie off of his kitchen table, pulling it on before answering the door. A frustrated Sakuya and awkward Ryouta were on the other side of the door, both staring at the teen as he opened the door. 

“What’re you doing here?” Cecil asked in a monotone voice, pulling his sweatshirt down further and covering the small shorts he donned. 

“I was gonna drop off the books you left at my house, and Sakuya made me take him with.” Ryouta muttered, handing off the small stack of books. 

“Thanks, I guess. Was that all you needed?” Cecil stepped back into the small apartment and set the stack on his kitchen table. 

“How do you live in such rubbish conditions?” Sakuya asked, baffled by the size of the apartment. “This place is as small as my closet!”

“I’m not exactly made of money, Shirogane. I can barely afford this “rubbish.”” Cecil snapped, glaring at the Frenchman and folding his arms over his chest. “Did you just come here to mock me more? Why not insult me in my own home, huh? Would that make you happy?!”

“What?” Sakuya scoffed. “No! I simply wanted to ask what’s wrong with you!” 

Cecil’s eyes widened, and he drew his arms tighter against his chest. “Wh-why do you care?!” A flush had dusted over his cheeks. 

Ryouta coughed nervously. “I’m just gonna… go… now…” He muttered as he stepped away from the doorway and shut the door behind him, not wanting to take part in this discussion. 

“Damnit, Ryouta!” Cecil cursed under his breath, watching Sakuya intently as he slowly approached him. 

“You arrive half an hour late, which you make certain never to do, then try to leave and act as if I hurt you when I tried to stop you. What is going on with you? This is completely out of character!” 

“It’s been a rough week, okay?! I can’t be perfect all the time, unlike you.” He spat, trying to blink back the tears that were forming. 

“Don’t mock me-” Sakuya tried to defend, but was interrupted. 

“Just shut up, Sakuya!” Cecil’s voice cracked as he backed up against the kitchen table. “Why do you even care so much about me?! I’m just another commoner to you, an insignificant piece of trash for you to step all over!” 

He was taken aback, and his eyes widened. “Is… is that what you think of me?” 

“Why wouldn’t it be?!” The tears had begun to fall, and Cecil didn’t even bother to try and wipe them away. “All you do is talk about how great you are, how you’re better than the rest of us, how just because you’re rich you’re automatically above us. I’m just trying to be your friend, something I know for a  _ fact _ you don’t have, and all I get is your hatred! Why do I even bother caring about you anymore…?” 

Sakuya stopped in his tracks, letting Cecil’s words sink in. His brows knit together as his mind began to process this new information. Cecil cared, he said so himself, and yet he thinks that he’s that stuck up? Well… Perhaps he was stuck up, a snobbish brat who couldn’t shut his mouth. He only ever criticized Cecil because he knew his potential, he wanted him to be the best he could be! Yet he didn’t seem to take it that way… 

“Cecil…” He whispered, his gentle tone surprising both of them. “You really care about me? After how heinously I’ve treated you?”

He sniffled, glancing down at the thin carpet. “Yeah. Why else would I go to student council when I’m not even all that good at it? I’m an artist, Sakuya, not a vice president.” 

Sakuya felt his heartbeat quicken and his chest tighten, yet he took a few tentative steps towards the trembling Cecil. “But you’re an excellent assistant! I’ve never met someone as attentive as you.” 

“Because I did all this research behind your back, trying to impress you. Make you think I wasn’t an idiot.” He could feel his blush darkening as he sniffled again. “Guess that didn’t work out well.”

The Frenchman’s thoughts shifted to their fight earlier in the week, and he felt a pang of regret. He pursed his lips before taking one last step forward and brushing away the tears on Cecil’s face with his thumb. 

“I’m… I’m sorry for the way I acted. It was uncalled for, and rude, and I hope you can forgive me.” He muttered, just loud enough for Cecil to hear. 

He bitterly chuckled. “An apology from Sakuya Shirogane? It’s a sign of the apocalypse.” 

Sakuya huffed. “I’m attempting to rectify the situation and all you can do is jest!”

There was a brief moment of silence before Cecil spoke up again, voice just barely above a whisper. 

“Why are you being so nice to me…?” He asked, still refusing to meet Sakuya’s gaze. 

He hesitated. “In truth, I’m worried about you. You’ve become less talkative as of late, and it seems as if you aren’t even there. It’s… troublesome, to say the least, seeing someone who is usually so in-the-moment and joyful in such a state. And earlier, when you flinched away…” 

A grimace crossed Cecil’s features, and he shied away from Sakuya’s lingering touch, turning his head to the side and shutting his eyes tight. Sakuya’s eyes widened for a second before he gently grabbed Cecil by the shoulders. 

“What happened? Talk to me. Please…” He whispered, brows knit together in concern. 

At the word “please,” Cecil broke down, wrapping his arms tight around Sakuya’s waist (ignoring the pain burning his forearms) and sobbing into his shoulder. He clutched at the soft fabric of his jacket, clinging as tight as he could. Sakuya was once again taken aback, yet he awkwardly wrapped his arms around Cecil’s trembling form and gently patted his head. 

“I’m so sorry, Sakuya!” He cried, though it was muffled slightly. “I don’t know why I did it! I just- god, with everything that’s been happening-! I just wanted to end it! I wanted to feel something! I almost bled out on my bathroom floor…!” 

“What are you talking about? What did you do?” Sakuya asked, thoroughly confused. 

“I… I tried to… I wanted to die, Sakuya…” Cecil cried. 

It felt like his entire world had been shattered with a few short words. He couldn’t move as he processed what Cecil had just said. His limbs felt heavy, his heart felt broken, he felt a pit form in his stomach. His breathing halted for a quick second as he realized exactly what Cecil had just said. 

He almost died by his own hand. 

Sakuya almost lost him without even realizing it. 

He had pushed him too far; he had driven him to the edge in his attempts to uplift him. Had he screwed up that badly? Evidently so. And yet, the harsh reality of it seemed unreal. Cecil almost killed himself, without anyone knowing. 

Feeling tears of his own prick at his eyes, Sakuya clutched at Cecil, burying his face in the crook of his neck. He shut his eyes tight and held Cecil to his chest, terrified that if he let go, he would be gone. Cecil opened his eyes, glancing at Sakuya and pursing his lips. 

“I’m sorry…” He choked out, feeling the Frenchman tremble ever so slightly in his arms.

“Don’t… don’t you ever do that again, you hear me?! That’s an order!” Sakuya muttered, pressing his forehead to the soft skin of Cecil’s neck. “Never again…” 

“Sakuya…?” Cecil whispered, bringing his face up and meeting his eyes. Confusion was written on the teen’s features, his eyes puffy and red as they met Sakuya’s intense stare. 

“I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you now.” Sakuya whispered. 

Dark blushes had settled on both of their faces as they realized exactly how close they were to each other. Sakuya’s heart was beating so hard, he thought it might burst out of his chest, and he could feel Cecil’s beating at an equal rate. He gulped, daring to glance down at his lips before meeting his eyes again. 

Cecil gave a miniscule smile, giving a similar glance at Sakuya’s lips before slowly beginning to lean in, giving him time to change his mind if he wished. In one quick motion, Sakuya closed the gap between them and shut his eyes tightly. Cecil’s eyes slowly closed before he began gently moving his mouth against Sakuya’s, not making any remark at the awkwardness of his kiss. He was clearly inexperienced, but there was something endearing about it, at the same time. 

The moment ended as soon as it began, with Sakuya pulling back and utterly amazed at what he had just done. And with another man… Cecil seemed to notice this and looked away, embarrassed. 

“There is… something I need to say.” Sakuya said, catching Cecil’s attention and causing him to look back up. That prompted him to continue. 

“I’ve… In the past several weeks, I’ve noticed that I’ve begun to feel differently about you. At first, I will admit, I saw you as nothing more than another commoner, but as you persisted in your efforts to befriend me, I… frankly, I saw you as an equal. As someone I cared about. You have persisted despite me treating you as less than nothing, and I’ve come to admire that about you.” He paused, trying to collect his words. Cecil waited patiently. 

“I see a passion within you that I cannot help but envy. You are true to yourself, and you are yourself in everything you do. And…” He took a deep breath. “And I cannot help but love the person I see.”

Cecil’s eyes widened and his chest tightened. Not only had Sakuya kissed him, but now he was declaring his love? He almost wasn’t sure what to think. 

“Sakuya, I…” He began, yet he was interrupted by the flustered stuttering of Sakuya. 

“I-I mean, I’m not asking you to feel the same way! I simply- that kiss felt genuine, and I-” He was interrupted by Cecil softly pressing his lips to his, a gesture which he immediately melted into. 

“You didn’t let me finish.” Cecil murmured against his lips. “I was trying to say I love you, too, dummy.” 

Sakuya couldn’t help but scoff. “I’m no fool.”

“Just keep telling yourself that, big guy.” Cecil chuckled and sniffled again. 

In that instant, he took notice of the searing pain in his forearms and pulled back, drawing his arms up closely to his chest and looking down. Sakuya stepped back a tad, giving him enough space to draw his arms in. He looked up at Sakuya and hesitated. 

“Uh… I probably should tell you what I did…” He murmured, glancing down at the floor. 

Sakuya nodded and led him over to the small couch, setting both of them down and taking Cecil’s hands in his. The teen took a deep breath and hesitated before beginning. 

“After… After the fight, I just felt utterly worthless. Like I was nothing, like the world would be better off without me in it. No one would miss me, right? A lot of really minor things happened, like someone accidentally tripping me in the halls and my friends leaving me all by myself…”

“Someone hurt you?!” Sakuya interrupted, immediately getting defensive. 

“Not on purpose! It was an accident. And yet, it didn’t really feel like one. It felt like a sign, that I needed to just get out of there and die already. So, yesterday, after school, I made sure I saw all my friends one last time. Except for you, since I couldn’t find you. I stopped by the library, the track, the infirmary, everywhere, just to make sure I saw everyone one last time. Yuuya seemed to get that something was up, and he tried to find out, but he couldn’t.”

Sakuya’s expression hardened at the mention of his half brother, not wanting to hear anything about him. Yet he said nothing, gently squeezing Cecil’s hands to prompt him to continue. 

“Yuuya was the last person I saw before I went home. He actually made me smile… It felt like it was my last. I was really quick to get home, just wanting to put an end to it all. I locked the door, and I made my way to the bathroom…” Cecil took in a shaky breath, trying to keep composed. “I locked that door, too… I took out a pair of box cutters from the vanity, and just… hacked away at my arms. Dr. Iwamine said I only barely avoided anything vital… There was so much blood… And I passed out on the bathroom floor.” 

Sakuya ever so gently ran the pads of his fingers over Cecil’s forearm, pulling away when he flinched. 

“I'm sorry… Is that why you flinched when-” Realization halted his statement as Sakuya realized he had roughly grabbed such fresh injuries, and a look of sorrow covered his features. He drew Cecil in for a hug, pressing a gentle kiss to his hair. 

“I’m so sorry… I had no idea…” He whispered, feeling Cecil’s back rise and fall with his sigh. 

“I know; It’s alright-”

“But it’s not!” Sakuya interrupted. “I nearly killed you! That’s not alright, and it never will be.” 

“Sakuya…” He whispered, letting go of one of his hands to cup his cheek. “ You had no way of knowing…” 

“That's no excuse, and we both know it.” His head lowered as a shameful look crossed his features. “To think, I almost killed the one I love…” 

Cecil chuckled. “ You seem pretty sure about your feelings, Sakuya.” 

“ Because I am. It's… taken some time for me to realize them, but I know what I feel. And I know it's genuine.”

“I don't doubt that.” 

Sakuya hesitated before leaning in for another kiss, awkwardly trying to mimic Cecil's experienced movements. His movements were slow as he fell into the rhythm Cecil had created, trying to make the most out of the experience. He stomach was tied in knots as he deepened the kiss, moving closer to Cecil and gently grabbing his waist. 

He had never realized exactly how small Cecil's body was. The young man usually ended up wearing baggy or otherwise ill fitting clothes, which bugged him to no end, and the loose fabric covered up his tiny frame. He had soft curves that Sakuya ran his thumb over. Cecil was more than responsive to him, sharply inhaling and leaning into his hand. He pressed his chest against Sakuya’s, mindful of his forearms. The movement caught him by surprise and he fell back against the couch cushions, taking Cecil down with him and landing right on his forearms. He yelped in pain and pulled back, and Sakuya eyes widened in concern. 

“ Did I hurt you?” He asked, voice soft. 

Cecil didn't respond in words, choosing instead to swiftly lean back in and capture his lips in a more heated kiss, one that he was more than happy to return. Sakuya’s arms wrapped around Cecil's torso, with on hand pressed against the small of his back and the other moving up to tangle itself in his short, soft hair. 

They didn't hear the front door open and Ryouta walk back in. 

“You guys got really quiet; is everything- oh my god!” He exclaimed,  startling the two and causing them to whip their heads to look at Ryouta. Dark blushes settled on their faces as they realized the compromising position they were in: Sakuya lying against the couch while Cecil straddled him. 

“ S-sorry for interrupting!! I'll be going now byeee!!!” Ryouta yelped before darting back out, slamming the door behind him. 

“Damnit, Ryouta…” Cecil muttered, glancing down at the flustered Sakuya. 

“We will not speak of that interruption, ever.” 

“Sir, yes sir.” Cecil murmured as he leaned back in.


End file.
